We're nothing more than fools and whores with sad highs.

Time is like my greatest enemy. I hate time.
Sometimes I would just lie back and think about when I was younger.
I missed the times we spent as a family, the weekly sunday outings, the dinners, the birthday cakes. The happy times seemed so distant, so grey.
They're all replaced by work, school, and all the other side projects of our lives.
Dinnertime seems so meaningless now.
I hate time. It's passing right by under our feet. Discreetly.

My life is in clutters. Days of staying at home, going for strings, staying at home, going for strings have become routine. What's more, we're playing the same pieces over and over again, and I've been reminded constantly of how my playing sucks.
I hate routine.
I feel so lost, and yet I force myself to go through this routine, to spend more time with my family and to possibly make up for the time I will never get to spend with them when school reopens. And guess what, I'm still hoping I will not be made to quit strings simply because of my screwed up schedule. It sucks because the thought of it has gotten me pretty high-strung of late.

The great big plan for my life is officially screwed. I can't believe I've actually thought of making to the big U through this hellish route I've chosen to take.
I'll just have to make do with whatever life deals me.
Plan B: Survive MCM, get a decent paying job, survive midlife crisis, retire and spend the rest of my life on a little boat out on a little lake, waiting for the little fish to bite.
Wonderful.
I need a more happening life. Not the "I club alot, wear branded clothes, and then tell the whole world my straight cut jeans are skinnies." kind of happening, but the "I'm dating a gazillionaire who's young, good-looking, and who happens to be smittened with me for the rest of his life. I don't drink and I don't smoke but I still can have a great time laughing with friends who share the same interests as me." kind of happening.

Am pissed with the new timetable. Whoever chucked me into my future class must hate me alot. Yeah, watch me writhe in agony, or try. Because next sem is the time I get to smile at the face of the devil. (sidenote: ooooh. enigmatic, eh?)

I'm not making any sense already. Lack of sleep speaks for itself. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.